dsandler.org :: essays

brita kitties.

text © 2003 dan sandler; story by pixelknave

Monday, May 19, 2003.

[14:34] <pixelknave> And speaking of sick, boy do I have a story for you.

[14:35] <pixelknave> Sat night, as I was dragging my ass upstairs to bed at 2:30am, I noticed a stray ibuprofen tablet on the landing.

[14:35] <pixelknave> I figured it had fallen out of one of Alicia's bags, so I took it downstairs and tossed it in the bathroom trash.

[14:35] * dsandler is pretty sure there's a bleh coming

[14:36] <pixelknave> The next morning, I awoke to discover that said trashcan had been upset by our roommates, who had scattered the contents across the bathroom floor.

[14:36] <pixelknave> I replaced everything, but noticed the Ibuprofen tablet was nowhere to be found..

[14:36] <pixelknave> So naturally, I eyed los gatitos with some suspicion.

[14:37] <pixelknave> Not sure if one of the cats had eaten said tablet, we looked up the potential consequences of ingesting 200mgs of Ibuprofen for a 6lb cat.

[14:38] <pixelknave> Turns out Tylenol is almost always fatal, but ibuprofen is no picnic either.

[14:38] <pixelknave> Can cause ulcers and, at high levels, kidney failure.

[14:38] <pixelknave> Alicia calls local emergency animal hospital (our vet was closed) and asked what to do.

[14:38] <pixelknave> (toxicity kicks in at about 50mgs/kilo.)

[14:38] <pixelknave> (for ibuprofen)

[14:39] <pixelknave> (for tylenol, much more toxic at much lower levels)

[14:39] <pixelknave> Alicia was told to bring the cats in immediately, so we did just that.

[14:40] <pixelknave> Assuming one of the two ate the pill, we agreed to a procedure in which they're essentially administered charcoal to absorb any toxins in their digestive tract and poop it out the other end.

[14:40] <pixelknave> Involved a day of hospitalization with IV etc.

[14:40] <dsandler> Brita kittens!

[14:40] <pixelknave> So we drop the cats off, and retreat home feeling like very bad parents.

[14:41] <pixelknave> We set about scouring the house to prevent future occurances, and resolve to never carry pills outside of their designated containers.

[14:41] <dsandler> "oh, look, the tablet"

[14:41] <pixelknave> Under the laundry basket, gnawed but not swallowed.

[14:41] <pixelknave> So we call the vet, say "Wait!"

[14:41] <pixelknave> Of course, the cats have already been administered their first dose.

[14:42] <pixelknave> We go back, retrieve cats.

[14:42] <pixelknave> Still have to pay.

[14:42] <pixelknave> $528 for the pair.

[14:42] <pixelknave> Chalk it up as expensive lesson, return home feeling crappier.

[14:42] <pixelknave> Muse that a person could have STOLEN the $500, and we'd be better off, because we'd still have the rest of the day to relax.

[14:43] <pixelknave> Return cats to apartment, continue to clean.

[14:43] <pixelknave> Think about all of the things we could have done with $528, other than shove charcoal down our cat's throats unnecessarily.

[14:44] <pixelknave> As if on cue, Gobo proceeds to barf the entire oozy black charcoally mess of his stomach onto the carpet.

[14:44] <pixelknave> Remember the thing that killed Tasha Yar? It was a lot like that.

[14:44] <dsandler> That was one vengeful bad guy.

[14:44] <pixelknave> Stains.

[14:44] <pixelknave> Gobo thrown in shower while mommy and daddy scramble.

[14:45] <pixelknave> Iris goes to investigate gobo, who has managed to ESCAPE from shower and track charcoal barf pawprints everywhere, and spatter it across the walls and cabinets when he tried to shake the IV bandage off his front paw.

[14:45] <pixelknave> Gobo gets thrown back into shower, Iris proceeds to barf on the bathroom floor.

[14:46] <pixelknave> Iris thrown into shower with gobo

[14:46] <pixelknave> daddy hoses down bathroom floor

[14:46] <pixelknave> mommy and daddy figure they've lost their deposit.

[14:47] <pixelknave> Cats stay in shower until they're done puking, then get a wipedown.

[14:47] <pixelknave> Cats are fine, mommy and daddy are broke, and there's a big gray spot on the floor by the dining room table.

[14:47] <pixelknave> So that was my Sunday.

© 2004 :: daniel sandler :: dsandler*dsandler.org
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